Skip to main content

About your Search

20130318
20130326
STATION
LANGUAGE
Search Results 0 to 31 of about 32 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Mar 22, 2013 10:00am PDT
billion in automatic government spending cuts. >> jon: dammit! [laughter] the first penalty of the sequester, my federal pen program. fake thing. [ laughter ] the sequester is here. the arbitrary budget cuts that were so onus congress would never allow the sequester to take effect. remember? >> it was ugly. it was designed to be ugly. >> onerous and undesirable and it remains our view it's no way to go. >> no way it can happen. >> automatic triggers are set up to be so painful we don't have to get to that point. >> it will not happen. >> jon: of course it will n .t. democrats and republicans would have to be not to goat to this ball punch it's like dennis rodman in north korea. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] yeah, or the hottest show in the country being about duck call manufacturing. by the way, even though coming up with the most basic of spending cut and tax revenue frameworks was beyond the skill level of this congress there was another way to completely avoid the arbitrary cuts. >> we will be amongst the first on the floor to nullify that provision. scong not bound by this
Comedy Central
Mar 22, 2013 1:30am PDT
the dimmer switch on habeus corpus. [laughter] now, the government's prosecutor said she could explain who was doing it but not in open session. ooo! oo! i think i know! can i solve the puzzle?! let's see ahuum. well, whoever's doing it, it's got the defense lawyers worried that someone "might be listening to private communications between them and their clients at the defense table. c'mon, i realize these military tribunals are a little unconventional-- in that they may not be covered under the geneva conventions-- but it's paranoid to imagine that the government is eavesdropping on you at the defense table. they're eavesdropping on your attorney-client meeting rooms. [laughter] hey, they say justice is blind, but they never said she's deaf. [laughter] [cheers and applause] okay, so the whole thing's being spied on and controlled by unseen forces. big deal. it's just like "survivor," except in this case, no one gets voted off the island. but folks, i can understand that for many this trial has lost its legitimacy. so i say we do the ethical thing and let the detainees go free.
Comedy Central
Mar 20, 2013 1:30am PDT
dollar. >> the federal government is highly inefficient. it could use a 5% or 10% cut. >> stephen: that is a courageous stance by rudy giuliani. that eliminate only 280,000 jobs, none of which are his. in retrospect, we should have seen this failgrg coming. it's just like the story from the bible and lo king salomon said if i cannot agree whose baby this is i'll cut it in half and one mom said, great, half a baby. probably less work anyway if you get the top half new york diapei changes. [laughter] but, foarkzage think the know why the sequester is not working because juz doesn't effect congress. the salaries of senators and representatives do not get cut. [audience oohs] it's like a lone shark saying if you don't pay up he's going to break your neighbor's legs. no skin off their nose. also, he is taking your neighbor's nose but that doesn't mean it was a bad idea. remember, the government that governs best is one that forces itself to either make tough zoirgses suffer unimagineibly horrible consequences. i believe it was jefferson who said that or jigsaw. therefore, to prevent the next
Comedy Central
Mar 25, 2013 11:30pm PDT
of "the croods". this movie has a small government message in that government has not yet been invented. but as one of america's most influential catholics i wanted to cover the conclave to name a new pope. it's like the christian super bowl except with less thanking jesus. [laughter] as a broadcaster, i love this story, folks, because there's no more thrilling tv than live footage of the vatican chimney. [laughter] santa's first stop every year by the way. waiting for that pivotal moment when the smoke changes color. >> we have smoke. it appears -- it appears gray. it's whitish. >> the smoke is white and it appears we have a new pope. >> breaking news, the world's 1.2 billion roman catholics have a new pope. >> we have a new pope. >> stephen: yes, we have a new pope, me and the reverend al sharpton. see you at mass on sunday, al. [ laughter ] the point is: the lord hath smokein. habeas this guy-em. cardinal jorge bergoglio of argentina or as he will be known pope francis. the first pope named for st. francis of assisi, one of the most beloved of all time. that's a ballsy move,
Comedy Central
Mar 19, 2013 10:30am PDT
commonwealth "founded on the principles of limited government, where residents would not pay any corporate or income taxes." finally, a consequence-free paradise for rich americans, other than the rest of america. [laughter] this haven for the wealthy is the realization of a dream from lockwood's self-published novel, also called "belle isle," in the tradition of other fictional tax shelters likes "narnia" and "where the wild things hide their assets." [laughter] and this plan doesn't just help the wealthy, it benefits the entire city of detroit. >> detroit's been in decline for 60 years. this would be a game-changer for detroit because it would attract 35,000 or more people from all over the world. the purchase of the property for $1 billion from the city of detroit, which would really help detroit. >> stephen: yes, yes, greatly help detroit. because what they really needs is a pristine private island that they can see from the bars of their post-industrial hellscape. so thank you, rod lockwood, for showing the people of detroit that when life gives you lemons take the lemons to your own isl
Comedy Central
Mar 19, 2013 7:30pm PDT
sotomayor appears to be upholding the statute. >> is it the government's position that citizens in the south are more racist than citizens in the north. >> jon: no, we've been to boston. [ laughter ] oh, yeah. and my grandparents house. [ laughter ] i would put personal northern racism up against anybody's racism. it's not about personal prejudice it's about systemic discrimination and if the last election is anything to go by it should be expanding not contracting. >> pennsylvania lawmakers passed a voter i.d. law in march. >> wisconsin put in photo i.d. laws which critics say make it harder for minorities and the poor to vote. >> new voting restrictions in ohio. >> the republican secretary of state wanted to close early voting in the weekend leading up to the election. >> ohio republicans failed in their attempt to expand voting hours in republican areas than cutting them back in democratic areas. >> jon: what more does ohio have to do to get on the list of states? replace voting machines with shredders. so far it's been an intelligent respectful manner. maybe describing why they thi
Comedy Central
Mar 25, 2013 11:00pm PDT
report of gun fire is critical >> reporter: sadly thinking like this has led the government to institute burdensome regulations on silencers, like registering them, checking your criminal past, and having to fill out forms. it's a tragic hassle that the n.r.a. hopes to change. >> the regulation of silencers is so overbearing that law-abiding citizens don't want fool with the paperwork and the red tape >> reporter: every silencer transaction is recorded >> oh, yeah. every single one of them >> reporter: that's crazy most countries of the world don't regulate silencers. it's actually courtesy in germany to use a silencer >> reporter: i'm going to kill your father. as a courtesy, i will silence it. >> i've never been to germany. i can't speculate on that >> reporter: anti-silencer nuts like everett want to actually regulate politeness >> there's nothing courteous about it. americans do not want people firing guns with silencers equipped in their neighborhoods >> reporter: do you even have a study to back that up? >> you don't need a study on that. all you need is common sense. >> reporter:
Comedy Central
Mar 21, 2013 1:00am PDT
united states government. >> really? >> yes ma'am. >> why? >> because they are trying to oppress us. the united states government is retiring. >> right, okay. >> so apparently in texas people like larry and lynn are tired of living under the jackboot of a democratically elected government hell bent on stripping them of freedoms they hold dear. >> one of the things that texas is loves, you can still talk -- allows, you can still talk on the cell phone and text while you are driving. >> really? >> yes, that's how much freedom texans want to keep. >> and if we can't even decide on things like that, they are huge tyrants. >> jon: what does the word tyrant mean to you as opposed to what it means to everybody else. >> tyrant like hitler or lincoln who murders the people for their own political gain. >> you think lincoln is tyrant? >> yes, ma'am. >> it's not something you normally hear. >> no, it's not but lincoln and hitler are very similar but most are not aware of it. >> hitler killed 600,000 jews. lincoln killed 600,000 americans. >> did lincoln give liberties to people as well? >> not
Comedy Central
Mar 25, 2013 7:25pm PDT
hours for theified only by the occasional nougat filled government handout. [ laughter ] and brief respit thanks to like-minded senators who share his commitment to checking executive power. wait a minute, is that mitch mcconnell? >> first let me thank him for his courage and conviction, the administration should answer a question does the administration take the view that a drone stroke against a u.s. zen on u.s. soil would be an appropriate use of that weapon. >> jon: simmer down turtle man. [ laughter ] i don't think drone strikes -- [laughter] er? [laughter] let me tell you something about the other senators. the other senators are reetionent additions to the senate so i don't mind them jumping into paul's filibuster but you don't get to jump in on the concern that the executive branch might be trampling the criewtion train. as i remember the habeas corpus see if you can get the president to sign off on wiretapping i believe your response to that was -- yeah. [ laughter ] back to senator paul, it was a thoroughly entertaining display of moral fortitude which sadly come to an en
Comedy Central
Mar 25, 2013 6:55pm PDT
question: >> can the u.s. government carry out drone strikes against american citizens on u.s. soil? >> the attorney general, eric holder, has made a surprising statement, yes but only under extraordinary circumstanceses. >> stephen: like an endless war with a faceless enemy fought by remote control flying killbots. how often does that happen? [laughter] the first question was al qaeda enemy combatant. over the course of the 13 straight hours he raised a slippery slope question the answer to which he received this afternoon. >> the administration has responded with a letter from attorney general holder to rand paul. i'm quoting, it has come to my attention you've asked: does the president have the authority to use aid weaponnized drone to kill an american not -- the answer is no. >> there was one of shortest letters from an attorney general and it had a silent fu in there somewhere. >> stephen: f-u, of course stands for thank you for is asking. i want to thank rand paul for making this brave stance because it's good to know they cannot kill us. i'm sure there's not classified legal
Search Results 0 to 31 of about 32 (some duplicates have been removed)